It’s nearly everywhere. Your witress or waiter comes by when it’s time to pay for your meal; they slide you an iPad after taking your credit or debit card, and immediately a screen appears with suggested amounts for tipping. Oftentimes the ‘suggested’ amount BEGINS at 20%. Listen, if a waitress goes above and beyond, that’s one thing. But that’s not been my experience.

I’m quite ready to tip well. That’s not my issue here. What I’m talking about in this piece is when a (s)hemale with purple hair, tattoos obscuring her body’s skin, a septum ring, black fingernails, and an anarchy symbol on her left earlobe, who acts about as eager to serve you as an Eskimo is to be rerouted to Havana, Cuba, solicits a tip–that’s who I’m talking about.

This ilk is ubiquitous–at the QuikTrip, at the Wendy’s, at the barber shop. Seemingly everywhere. Hey, it’s a free country, as the saying goes. If you wish to paint your body in ink, dye your hair to look like the visuals on an LSD trip, and pierce yourself to such a degree that you’d sink in 2″ of water, that’s on you.

However, if you desire a ‘tip’ when you hand me a hamburger or sell me a bottle of water, I have a ‘tip’ for you: be courteous; grow up; greet people; say, “Yes, sir” and “No, ma’am,” as appropriate.

And that word appropriate has the root of “proper.” Just saying.